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My Ramadhan Reflections: A Personal Context


Ramadhan is indeed on its final third portion. And I am as saddened as any Muslim who loves this month so much. If there is such a feeling that I want the most, it is the feeling of extensive worship and forgiveness that I feel every Ramadhan. Not in any other months that I feel the same way.

Anyway, this Ramadhan I’ve gone all out. During the previous ones, I’ve been busy with either taking care of my mom or my studies. This year, I have it all for myself. And, since I promised my parents that I would not like to be the reason that they cannot enter paradise, I have to do everything in order to offset the sins that I have committed.

Here are some of the reflections that I had during this month. This reflection is not made to brag about what I have done. Rather, this is only to show how Ramadhan can change a person.

 

Time is really swift.

Don’t you feel it? It is as though Ramadhan has just started a day ago. And now it is on its 21st day. Ma sha Allah. I pray that the time allotted for Ramadhan is enough to cover our years of sinning because I feel like it is never enough. This is why we should not waste time, especially on this month. Every moment of Ramadhan counts. Thus, we need to be wise and invest our time on worshipping the Almighty and doing good deeds.

On the other hand, we all know that the mercy of Allah SWT is beyond question. Here is to hoping we get extra bonuses of mercy this month!

 

Ramadhan isn’t actually just about fasting with your family.  

It is about fasting for the sake of worship of Allah SWT. Although, fasting with family is a bonus. This is my first Ramadhan with both of my parents gone. And I tell you, it is the hardest one.

Whenever I make the sujood and say my duas, I would always fall to tears especially that most of my duas are about my parents and the ummah. Ramadhan is created to cleanse our loved ones and us.

Moreover, the sincerity of my duas have gone from 100% to 1000% this Ramadhan, knowing that my parents couldn’t longer ask for forgiveness from the Almighty and how the ummah is currently suffering.

Basically, I think it is about fasting for yourself, your family and the ummah.

 

Ramadhan made me extra generous.

I do love giving away whatnots. But, the generosity that I feel during Ramadhan is hundred folds thicker than the other usual months of the year. Maybe, it is due to the fact that we feel how poverty is like during Ramadhan. Without food and water, which are the most basic needs, we are one with those who are less fortunate in terms of worldly matters.

And a lot of times, it is because we want Allah Azza wa Jal to be pleased with us. We want to have a special status with Him.

Sheikh Muiz Bukhary said, “The more you lift others up, the more the Almighty raises you.”

Who does not want to be known by the Almighty dearly (although he knows every one of us)? And who doesn’t want to be raised in status by Him, the Lord of everything we know and know nothing of?

Generosity doesn’t always come with the handing out of charity to the less fortunate. The most generous of us are those who make mention of his brothers and sisters in their duas. We can give provision for a day or two to them, but only Allah Azza wa Jal can give provision to them for a lifetime.

Every charity you give to others is a charity you give to yourself.

 

Ramadhan softened my heart.

I’ve been through hardships – from being financially unstable during my mother’s hospitalization to being emotionally wrecked when she passed away. I’ve done several things to comfort myself; some of them are even to the point where I don’t wanna think and feel anymore.

When she passed away, depression hit me hard. I am, after all, a legitimate orphan now that both of my parents are gone. Being an only child gave me reasons to isolate myself from others. Sometimes, I would call a friend crying if I can’t handle the boiling pressure inside me anymore. To get away from sadness, I made myself to not think nor feel. I made a bubble that only I can pop. People would always see me happy on the outside. But that was just for show. I would suppress and be hard on myself whenever I feel like crying.

The good thing I did during those months though, is I cry myself out during sujood on my every salah. I think, that’s what made me stronger. Although I was harsh on myself on most situations, I let my heart out whenever I am talking to Allah Azza wa Jal. And this Ramadhan couldn’t be any timely.

 

Ramadhan made me do extra.

During non-Ramadhan months, I would shy away from Tahajjud and sunnah prayers and reading the Qur’an from cover to cover. It is only in Ramadhan that I made an all-out move on every possible worship method that I can do. Although I read the Qur’an at times during non-Ramadhan months, I just stick to the Surahs that I love such as Ya Seen, Rahman, Waqiah, etc. I have been calling myself a Ramadhan muslim because of this.

However, since Ramadhan is a month of mercy, cleansing and forgiveness, I pursued extra kinds of worship for the sake of being closer to Allah SWT, asking his forgiveness and mercy to myself, my parents and the ummah.

Truly, there is wisdom in every hardship. If not for my depression, I would not cling onto Allah Azza wa Jal. I would not have reached this level of maturity. I used to think that it is impossible to do all those sunnah prayers and extra good deeds and memorize additional duas for the time that I have. But, I was wrong. It only takes prioritizing what is really needed.

Ramadhan is indeed a blessing to the sinners. I hope what I did during Ramadhan will continue on a going-concern. I pray that we all are one in praying for the betterment of the Ummah and for the Mercy of Allah SWT to be showered upon us.

 

How about you? What are your reflections this Ramadhan?

Written by

Kai Darul is a 20-something accountant, blogger and occasional speaker from Tawi-Tawi, Philippines. On her free time, she blogs about her life, interior design, finance, personal development and Islam. She loves exploring and learning new things. You can find her at <a href='http://kaidarul.com'>kaidarul.com</a>.